Well, it certainly has been a while, I have been away from the blog for a while mostly because I just wanted to focus on US and the process.
As I sit here trying to write this post I’m just feeling very defeated, exhausted, confused and heartbroken. As you can see from the title of this blog…we are not pregnant…again…
We were SO damn excited for this transfer, our minds were in the right spot all the positivity we could have we had it!
I’m going through feeling sad, angry, confused, thankful, and SO many more emotions. Every time we try and we lose an embryo a piece of my heart dies, some may not think of an embryo has a baby but I DO, I grew those eggs which then were fertilized, which then grew into our embabies. It’s so hard to watch them not make it into thriving babies. It makes you want to feel selfish and not ever transfer them and chance and risk it because deep down you know they are safe in the freezer where they cannot be harmed or touched, but then you know if you do that you will never get what your heart truly desires and that a precious little miracle to love and hold, spoil and care for.
The more you walk this journey the more you feel defeated, like your letting the ones around you down. Your husband who is watching you take all these meds, gives you the injections every night wishing it was him, massaging your lumpy butt because the progesterone injections leave knots, singing with you through each injection to keep your mind off the fact that they hurt like HELL, all for the moment you only dreamed of to come true, but instead you hear a screech as the brakes are being slammed to the ground and your whole world has come to a halt once again. You feel pressure from the process because you don’t want to let anyone down, but all the while it’s not your fault, it’s the road we were given, you don’t have to like it.
Monday when I went in for blood work and recieved the call that it was 11.78 i said ok thats still low, and then was told but it’s over 5 you are considered pregnant. But will more than likely end in a Biochemical again. We celebrated that number and continued to pray for a little baby to stay strong.
Our next steps are, I have stopped taking meds (Estrogen and Progesterone) I will begin to withdraw from them and begin a chemical period. Once that starts we call our nurse and we start the transfer process over again just like before. I will go back on Estrogen and progesterone and have monitoring visits for my uterus lining thickness and hormone levels we will then do another transfer and hope and pray we are not back here again. Since I did have such a hard time reaching the uterus thickness we will more than likely increase the dosage. The good thing with this study is they are allowing you to alter medication where the Doctor sees fit on the 2nd try if the first one failed.
Here are the stats from this round…
We began our meds Estrogen Started February 20th Taking 2mg 3 times a day, along with my Folic acid and Prenatal Vitamins.
March 4- Returned to the clinic for more blood work and to check my uterus lining thickness.
Progesterone: 0.248 ng/mL
Estrogen: 297.0 pg/mL
LH: 18.83 mIU/mL
Uterus Thickness: Multi-Layered
March 8- Returned to the clinic for more blood work and to check my uterus lining thickness.
Progesterone: 0.114 ng/mL
Estrogen: 302.2 pg/mL
LH: 8.62 mIU/mL
Uterus Thickness: Multi-Layered
March 13- Returned to the clinic for more blood work and to check my uterus lining thickness.
Progesterone: 0.187 ng/mL
Estrogen: 290.7 pg/mL
LH: 6.52 mIU/mL
Follicles: Right- 18.3mm, Left- 3.7mm
March 17- Returned to the clinic for more blood work and to check my uterus lining thickness.
We began Progesterone injections today 1cc
Progesterone: 0.128 ng/mL
Estrogen: 328.6 pg/mL
LH: 7.93 mIU/mL
Uterus Thickness: 7.41 Multi-Layered
March 22- Transfer Day
We transferred this beautiful embryo
I stayed on couch potato rest for 6 days, stayed low key and lounge around with Blu.
April 1 First Beta HCG bloodwork We celebrated that we were pregnant even with the low number. Anything medically over 5 is considered pregnant.
Progesterone: 26.47 ng/mL
Estrogen: 366.1 pg/mL
HCG Level: 11.78mIU/mL
April 4- Second Beta HCG Bloodwork
Progesterone: 24.59 ng/mL
Estrogen: 291.2 pg/mL
HCG Level: 2.37 mIU/mL