Friday, May 25- Tuesday, May 29,2018
Memorial weekend has always been my birthday weekend!
We headed down to the beach house and have such an amazing time. I won’t bore you with the weekend details so here are a few pictures!
We spent time at the beach, had a crab boil, hung out with some really great friends and family!
Tuesday, May 29, 2018!!! My BIRTHDAY!!!
Matt and I headed home early unpacked everything and started getting ready for an early dinner and then a movie at home. We were so pooped from the long weekend.
he knows my love of Lady Gaga so he got me the two vinyl’s I have been wanting. I also got a new Michael Kors purse and wallet! (outlet mall is the best) We went to PF Changs for dinner and had such an awesome time hanging out with each other for my 31st birthday!
Wednesday, May 30, 2018
Went in for our first Beta blood test, I was so nervous and anxious. We just want this to work so we can have the family we have always longed for. During the TWW I experienced a few signs, I had the cramping, twinges, boobs hurt and my pee smell changed.
Beta results are as follows:
HCG Beta: 1.24mIU/ml
Estrogen: 944.8 pg/ml
Now while my progesterone and estrogen are looking REALLY good my HCG level is very low, we were still hopeful that it possibly just needed a little extra time to produce the hormone. Our nurse has always been a cheerleader for us and hopeful so she gave me hope in knowing it could still work, and there is a possibility it may not.
The scale on beta readings are ( now this is just one of MANY charts out there)
We returned to the clinic Friday, June 1, 2018, to retest my blood work, they wanted to see what direction my level was going.
After a very long day of waiting we received results we knew could be possible but didn’t think we would, our dreams ripped from us, all the hope we had, the optimism, positivity, and prayer we had for this little baby were out of this world. I walked in the door and we cried in each others arms. The feelings we have felt these last few days have just been so overwhelming. The anger, confusion, frustration, sadness takes over your mind.
As I’m on the phone with my nurse ( who I love BTW) I can hear in her voice she was heartbroken for us as well, She too wants this for us.
I’m told to stop taking ALL meds, No more progesterone, estrogen or patches and you will start your period in a few days.
We are not pregnant, this time.
Estrogen: 340.7 pg/ml
Progesterone: >60.00 ng/ml
HCG Beta: <0.100mIU/ml
Matt and I went out to dinner Friday to just not think about it. I had my First Drink in over 6 months along with an awesome HOT bath.
Watermelon Jalapeno Margarita! We went to our favorite little Mexican restaurant Sotos Cantina!
Saturday he went on a fishing trip with my brother and a few friends for my brothers birthday they had so much fun hanging out. I treated my self to a Starbucks coffee, I have not been drinking caffeine this whole time either. I spent the day with my mom at the outlet malls just hanging out.
Sunday we went over to Matt’s sister house to hang out and for me to get some Stella snuggles, I really needed this more than I knew. Being with his sister who understands so much of what we are going through was just so comforting and helpful. So glad we have the relationship we do, honest, loving and raw! We got home from Stacey and Chad’s and we started to get snuggled up, upstairs to watch a movie, I went to the restroom and saw I had indeed started my period. I went straight upstairs and grabbed Matt to just hold me as I balled my eyes, realizing that reality of us not being pregnant has now officially come true. I held on hope thinking maybe it was a fluke, no way I’m not pregnant, and just wanting this baby more than anything I was in denial it hadn’t worked. We cried together and talked about our feelings, the anger, sadness, confusion, frustration, not understanding, why us. I know we will go through more emotions. today I put all my meds away took all the ultrasound picture off the fridge gave them one last kiss goodbye and told myself we need to move forward to the next page in our book.
We return to the Doctor on Wednesday, June 6, 2018, to talk with the doctor about other options and a possible case study we may qualify for.