To the Mommy who didn’t have to Wait

Disclaimer: I did not write this, this is a post from a fellow IVF sister. Thank you Calisa Wesleyfor sharing your story:

Her story hits SO close to home and is so very true for 1 and 8 Women who goes through this every single day, month after month and year after year.

⚠️caution long post, and raw photos. But feel free to share! 💙🙌🏽🍍

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To the Mommy who didn’t have to Wait,

Bless you. 💙💕

I don’t understand what it’s like. I never will. It’s a foreign concept to me. And being an impatient person, you know the struggle is real for me. But I’m slowly learning to accept that it’s okay. Gods plan will always be greater than mine.

I don’t understand having a conversation with my husband regarding the timeline of when we want to have kids and it actually going according to plan. We bought the ovulation sticks and planned as best as we could, but the old fashioned way just wasn’t for us. I once thought that my story would go as I wanted it to, but here we are waiting, hoping and praying our embryos can make it to day 5, hoping we make it through training class, that I trust Jeffery enough to stab me with needles day after day.

But then we get the what I thought was a dreaded call that they need to transfer at day 3, and they will transfer 2 embabies instead of 1. But looking back over the past 24 hours, the docs clearly know what they are doing.

Can you imagine how the wait for those 120 hours was….every time your phone rings you jump and pray it’s only good news, to hear if our little miracle in a dish made it… the truth is, I don’t want you to imagine. I wouldn’t wish that waiting on anyone. I’m currently going crazy waiting. Just ask around 😉

I’m writing because I want you to know how many women all over the world would do anything to be in your shoes, including me.

Anything? Yes, ANYTHING. Spend tens of thousands of dollars. Inject medications in their bodies daily (which ask my husband….wasn’t always the easiest). Plan their entire life on starting their period so the process can begin. Plan literally every part of our day based on having meds in the fridge, pills in my box, and making sure to inject the meds at the same time daily.

Finances, dreams, hopes, and desires are all put on hold. And after that? So many are still waiting. The reality is 1 in 8 go through infertility and even after going through emotional, physical, spiritual and mental pain, as mentioned above, many women still go without a positive test or if they do, they miscarry, which leads to more waiting. So take a moment to pray for them, for us.

We are heartbroken. We are crushed. Our bodies are tired and bruised. Our minds are tired 💤. Our husbands are exhausted, exhausted for being the Rock that holds me together. Tired of it all. But we are strong women who know we were meant to be a mommy one day and will not give up trying. And our husbands are one of a kind to hold our hands through it all.

To have a dream since childhood take so long is really, really hard. Especially knowing the same dream comes easy to so many, and come to those who do not want it. Add in not being able to leave the house without seeing the one thing desired, dreamed of, and hoped for and it’s really, really hard. Or logging into every social media account and seeing countless babies and birth announcements. Although I am extremely happy for you, a part of me struggles and only hopes you know and realize how lucky you truly are. Take a moment and thank God for your blessing(s) that share your genes with you.

I’m not writing this for a sympathy party, or for you to feel bad for my/our situation. I am writing this so that you may remember how blessed your life is being a mommy, and even on really hard days when you can’t shower, but you’re covered in vomit, there are millions who would trade places with you in a second. I’m trying to remind you to be thoughtful when you go on ranting on social media about how it took you a couple months to conceive; God had a timing for you just like He does us. Also, while you may not have the “gender you wanted” at least you have that bundle of joy that shares your DNA. Never never never rant about not being happy you’re pregnant. You know what it takes to make a baby, be happy your able to bring another blessing into his crazy world, and if you’re not, don’t blast it on social media, please.

Our stories are so different. And that’s okay. You’ll never know what it’s like to take shots day after day, and I’ll never know what it’s like to get pregnant when we wanted. I find peace in the difference between our stories because God knew what he was doing when He wrote my story for me and yours for you.

But whatever stage of motherhood you are in, please remember the moms in the making. Don’t take your role as “momma, mommy, ma, mom” light heartedly or for granted. There are women are all over the world who month after month and even year after year are told “not yet” or “maybe next cycle we can start” (i was told we had to wait another cycle and thankfully my husband was there to put me back together) and just like every other month, have to pick up the pieces, and hope that next month will be different. A month that will end with joy instead of a heartache, and empty dreams. A month that will end with celebration and baby shopping, instead of tears. A month that will end with a positive pregnancy test, instead of a period.
While I can’t say I know how hard motherhood is, I have only heard.

Despite your exhaustion, 5 loads of dirty laundry, messy house and the kids that are driving you crazy, who can’t find their shoes or having a meltdown because the sock isn’t on the right foot, please know you are doing an amazing job and it’s a job so many, including myself, only dream of having. I look up to you and respect you for having the hardest job in the world and despite how hard and tiring it is, I would do anything, yes anything, to be in dirty clothes, messy non showered hair, vomit smelling 2 day old pajamas.

With all my love,
A momma in the waiting with embryos on board

📸 photo credit: Megan Wesley with MK Wesley Photography

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