Reflection

The alarm went off like always at 5:30am I turned it off fell back to sleep…until Blu started scratching at the side of the bed, he had to potty!  I proceed on with my daily routine, take Blu out to potty, feed Barley, and Blu. Go back into the bedroom and start to get ready.

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Only this morning was different for some reason, I looked over at my orchid that has been literally dormant for some time but even though it looked all raggedy and dead I continued to care for it, watering it every Sunday hoping that someday it would reward me with new blooms. You see I’ve never had an orchid rebloom and I would always end up tossing them, which I hated since they are such beautiful flowers.

For some reason this orchid I felt the need to care for it, this orchid has taught me so much I know it sounds silly to think a flower can teach you something but, it has taught me patience.  You see we all have things in our lives that we want RIGHT NOW but if we would just be patient and learn that there is a right time for everything. This orchid has sprouted and given me the best thing I could have dreamed of its new life! Something I have been longing for, for so long. I relate it to our journey of wanting a family thinking ok if this orchid can be dormant for so long and then magically grow back and produce beautiful flowers why can’t I? It shows that a little bit of care and love go a long way, taking a chance on life and love is worth it in the end. Not to say you will always get a happy outcome but it will always be worth it, in the end, to say I tried.

Before saying yes to IVF I had countless people family & friends say “are you sure this is right for you”? or “why don’t you just consider adoption”? or “why don’t you just have a hysterectomy”? My response was always NO, I’m going to take a chance on myself, I will not discount my body to thinking it’s not capable to carry or birth a child.  I always felt offended by these comments until this morning looking at that orchid thinking you know all those years I would discount that orchids life and chance to live by just thinking it was dead and tossing it, but by caring for it these last seven months in the hopes it would sprout again I’ve learned to be patient with things in life, slow down and smell the roses, see life for what it is.

I gained new hope,  going into this IVF treatment our first ever I want to be aware of everything but I also want to leave things a surprise the feelings and emotions, I want to experience knowing I’m able to get pregnant even if it results in a miscarriage of which will be a completely different, kind of acceptance one I cannot understand, I can only imagine the pain, but with that pain it will make us stronger. I was texting with a very good friend last night and we were talking about this journey and how she was sorry for what we have been through and are still going through with not being able to get pregnant, my response to her was “God gives us only what we can handle”. ? Her response will forever stick with me.

I will leave you with her words to reflect on:

She said, ” Sometimes he does give us more than we can handle, but it strengthens us and teaches us trust. Our strength is not our own. When he pushes us further than we know we can go, we learn that HE is our strength and that we cannot do it on our own”.

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https://www.gofundme.com/2bm44-our-fertility-journey

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